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Still, there are some hang-ups that we need to start getting over. In fact, you might say that this is where the true power of casual sex lies. As Adriana said in the beginning, no one’s perfect — but it’s okay not to be, either. Everyone’s friends with a “friends with benefits” lover or two. Even celebrities are used to the same pattern. (Case in point: Halle Berry.) What’s more, your lover might let you in on things you weren’t necessarily expecting to hear, like a special skill they have with you in bed, or a favorite pair of undergarments they keep in their drawer. With lots of thought and experimentation, you can really learn a lot about yourself by being open to the possibilities of what kind of casual sex would make sense.
But one thing is certain: Casual sex isn’t wrong — and if done the right way, you might even get an opportunity to look back on it with a sex-positive mentality.
The Good-The Bad-
Why Is Casual Sex So Important To Society?
With a boss that doesn’t involve dick-butt-money and with no manager to judge you, you finally have permission to decide your own future.
That’s the premise of Pat Jarrett’s new book, What I Learned from My First Boss (Simon & Schuster), which chronicles her years with Toronto indie rocker Michael Winter. The book includes the inside scoop on working for the left-wing music icon, navigating the indie-rock world, and the untold stories she encountered from the musicians who worked with her and the musicians she met on her various J-Date-like tours. Her multiple former employers are consistent in their descriptions of Jarrett as a task master who demanded a lot of herself and others. Jager and I both had new reasons to compare notes after being fired from our respective jobs.
“I started sharing what I learned and fell in love with on my own world, the world of music. Everyone needs a boss, but most people wouldn’t trade places with some of these bosses I know because of the level of creative freedom I found there. You get shown the door, but you leave an imprint that lasts a lifetime. Every day at work, I was constantly bringing something interesting into the world of music to someone who had a lot of passion for it, so working for him was a dream come true.”
Jarrett fell for Winter after a chance meet at a mutual concert.
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It depends. While a great way to meet people, casual sex can also put people in sticky, difficult situations. According to HealthDay, casual sex “rarely leads to pregnancy, but many people have chlamydia or a vaginal infection from “partner sex.””
“But because those infections can be passed back and forth, it’s easy for casual partners to get them, too,” says Sara James, PhD, sex and relationships expert and author of Ask Dr. James: 10 Rules for Building a Lasting Relationship.
Emily White, 22, has had her fair share of casual sex. “I’ve had [pre-condom] sex with two people who had herpes, which I was actually unaware of,” she told Health. “These [condoms] are pretty big… Honestly, I know of no one who really wants to have, like, really, truly ‘serious’ casual sex.” White has since started using latex barriers, because “safety is pretty important for me.”
Being on the receiving end of random sex isn’t always so thrilling either. In the book “How to Stop Time,” New York Times best-selling author Claire Weeks talks about the frequent predatory behavior that she’s endured while hooking up. “People feel like they have to offer themselves to get something out of the experience. It’s like they have to pay to stay safe,” she said.
Becoming a victim is a whole other story. An important part of casual sex is being prepared for the “mushiness of it,” by playing it safe. But a problem with hooking up is that is often that “game is for the physically stronger person,” says Dr. Steve Safos, CEO of Crystal Apparel, a company that’s basically a sex-positioning swiss army knife.
“One of the things that a lot of guys don’t realize is a lot of women like to play defense; they like to be sure that they’re protected,” he says. “So if you’re the guy, and you think you can come in and you can dominate that situation, the end result is probably not going to be healthy for you.”
“I think that a lot of guys don’t realize that by just being there and allowing someone else to dictate what’s going on, it sort of creates an unfair situation. What it usually ends up with is [women] ending up in a bad position because they
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