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What is casual sex and why is it bad for you?
The closest first date I ever had was with my best friend, Dave. And we didn’t even go on a first date. The two of us hooked up on a Friday, because it was the one day of the week he couldn’t stay at my house, because I was going to Germany and could not afford a plane ticket. It’s also the only time I’ve hooked up with my best friend — and it felt right and necessary. For all we know, we could’ve dated in real life but something always seemed off. Nothing ever came of it, and we’re still friends to this day.
So now, you’re probably thinking that, if you’ve never been on a first date, where did you even get the idea of casual sex?
What kind of sex do you actually want?
I really didn’t think much about how I wanted to have sex on a first date, because I’ve had so much casual sex. I just knew I didn’t want to wait for when we were on a “serious date.”
The idea of casual sex is often sold by its superficiality and easy-going nature. But it’s also a promise that both partners can have the sex they want, when they want. And what does that really mean? Well, when the conversation gets going, and you find someone who’s got your number, and you think they’re interesting, there’s a good chance you won’t want to just go to bed. You’ll want to spend time getting to know them, or at least talk more about why you’re having the sex you’re having.
That’s why casual sex is so good for you — it forces you out of your comfort zone, and stimulates your curiosity and social prowess. If you’re the right sort of person (and hopefully you are), you’ll talk to them more, and, eventually, you’ll ask for more. That will take your sexual adventure on to its next phase, and, if you’re the luckiest of people, that phase will take you from casual to regular.
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So how do you know if casual sex is right for you? You want casual sex to be fun and you want it to be about a lot more than just sex — that includes sex toys and foreplay. There’s no reason why you need to be good at a complicated system of riddles and subtle cues to tell whether or not you should go down
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As a basic disclaimer, let me tell you upfront that being told you’re sexy or perfect for someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re hooked up or in a committed relationship. There’s nothing wrong with those, and I think what you meant is that casual sex isn’t bad for you or your health; what’s bad is that when you’re looking to have casual sex, you might be waiting until you’re too old, too tired, too unattractive, or some other reason that’s purely emotional.
Sexual health issues can be caused by a host of factors including poor nutrition, and knowing exactly how to look after your own body is super important. When it comes to casual sex, it may not seem like you can have too much of a good thing, but these days it’s more common to indulge yourself in multiple hookups, which can lead to health problems, and even changes to your internal organs. Not only can this make you miserable in the short-term, but if you’re not careful and your activity increases, it can make long-term health issues more common.
The closest way to think of casual sex is as harmless or (at worst) slightly risky fling. Finding an enjoyable, stable relationship involves developing an entire person. Before casual sex you may have decided to go with a partner with similar goals, but this is because your respective interests are a good match. Now you are probably only looking at someone for their physical appearance, which is not a productive way to be in a relationship.
With casual sex, you are typically not using dating apps. Instead, you go on Craigslist and pick up the person you saw at the bar. The main thing you have going for you is the thrill of the taboo. But unlike your wildest fantasies where you imagined yourself having sex with a stranger, in a lonely motel in the middle of nowhere, you can’t conjure up any worst case scenario scenario scenarios here — on the contrary you are in the most controlled, safe situation in your life.
Why and how often should you have casual sex?
The first thing you have to know about casual sex is the worst case scenario. You should assume that it will hurt, it might even be a massive disappointment, and, if you really want to be frank about it, you’ll probably have a lot of feelings afterward. So, understanding that you’re going in with your eyes open is the first thing to do.
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