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If you’ve ever been to a bar or club, you may be familiar with the concept of a “ladder.” Sometimes it can feel like one of the many low, overpriced spirits on the bar—the one that’ll turn you into a dying fish. Other times, though, it can be a powerful tool. It can be a good sign if your partner in crime is someone on the actual bottom rung, someone with whom you don’t want to be around, someone with whom you’re not interested in getting to know as a person, someone you’re turned off by for whatever reason. You know the type of person I mean, and with “ladder drinking,” this is a pretty good indicator of whether it’s time to move on.
You don’t need a ladder, per se. But if your approach to dating is very transactional and/or what they might call “booty calls,” consider using a ladder to find the one who really wants you. If you’re looking for something to flirt with, you need to look for someone who’s actually interested in being with you long-term. Someone who is happy to make an investment.
So here we go: The tips below are inspired by real, successful dating experiences. Of course, there are other things that make people successful in the dating arena—luck, charm, luck, big city, and, of course, luck. But for the purposes of this list, we’re going to focus on how you can use the ladder to your advantage.
1. Know What You Want
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not always great at asking for what I want. I’m a bit of a chickenshit, for lack of a better term. I’m more of the A-B-C-D approach to relationships. If I think something’s missing or it’s not working, I try to make up for it by being way too nice. Does this make me a terrible person? No. It just makes me a bit less confident, and consequently makes me less likely to ask for what I want and need.
But a solid dating strategy has more to do with being honest with yourself than it does with being a pushover. Yes, it helps if you can say “If you want to sleep with me, fine; if not, that’s fine, too, and I respect you for what you want,” but that approach is a bit passive. That’s good for when you’re not in https://vinnitsamarriageagency.com/hot_ukrainian_adult_dating_top_facts_to_know_about_kiev_girls.html
There are a few reasons you may be a little nervous about dating, and a lot of them stem from a variety of factors. The first is that there’s a lot of stuff you can’t control that plays a role in whether or not you find someone. For example, your luck with the dating pool, the ways in which you’re judged by a prospective mate, or the amount of time you’ve spent lusting over a particular guy or girl. Another reason you may be anxious about dating is that you have the belief that you’ll never be good enough to make a certain type of guy or girl fall for you. The truth is, you can improve over time, and you don’t need to be perfect to make an impression on someone. We’re here to dispel all of your dating fears.
No One is Perfect
There’s a lot of us who are afraid that the way we look or talk about ourselves will limit us from finding someone we really connect with. We get preoccupied with getting a second date because we assume the person we’re coming across with isn’t right for us and doesn’t feel the same way. A good number of us worry that we’ll never find love because of our appearance, behavior, or personality. In reality, no one is perfect, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re out there looking for love or a relationship.
Embrace the fact that you are flawed and imperfect, and don’t worry about how you’re perceived by another person. Instead, focus on what you bring to the table, no matter what that is. If you happen to be great with the guitar, maybe spend your time practicing and showing off your music to potential dates. If you’re a kind person, make an effort to keep your circle full of friends and be there for people when they need you. By putting your best self forward, you have a better chance at finding someone who sees you as a whole person and will appreciate all that you have to offer.
You’re Not Alone
We feel like no one is alone in this, but we’re also keenly aware that it’s still hard for people to come out and talk about their experiences with dating. It’s a pain in the ass of an issue, but here’s the thing: People don’t want to be a part of your dating life if they’re not going to be included in the experience. It’s real—and the more you’re able to accept it, the less likely someone is to be intimidated by